Dear Liberal Mutual car insurance

yellow bumper car


Your customers are a menace to society. Accident forgiveness? Really? Do you know why auto insurance is too high for everybody? I’ll give you a hint. It’s because too many people are bad drivers who get into accidents—and, everybody has to pay.

“One little bumper. And there go your rates…” It’s a cruel, cruel world. BTW, was your “one little bumper” in my Wal-Mart parking lot last week? Next time, please find a wider parking space.

Although, I do have a question for that one lady. You know, the one who says (in that New York accent that I just adore. Or, is it New Jersey? Same thing): “You totaled your brand new car. No one was hurt, but…” HOW DO YOU TOTAL YOUR BRAND NEW CAR, AND NO ONE GETS HURT??? Why did she even mention that, BTW? I hope that if four or more people are Dead On Scene, you DO raise her rates.


And, their kids are wimps! Teenage boys can’t change a flat tire when it’s dark outside? Maybe those snowflakes should take auto shop in high school. Oh, wait. They don’t have that stuff anymore. They’re too busy learning revisionist history and learning about three new genders.

Get those girly-boys Allstate. At least their voices will sound impressive.

I live in Florida (which has way too many people from New York. Or, New Jersey. Same thing.), which has “No Fault” insurance. It was supposed to lower rates. Right. The only thing that will lower rates is to make it mandatory that every Driver’s License applicant also has to take a NRA Certified Firearms Safety Class—and get a CWP.

Why? Because, the requirements for a DL-plus-CWP will eliminate most people from New York, New Jersey, California, Oregon, Canada, and Washington, D. C.  And, Chicago. And Miami-Dade County. And Mexico, or any country that has more mules than cars. (It’s a pun…) Now that is how you make your highways safer—and your insurance premiums lower.

Well, I think my work is done here.

(P.S. I prefer NRA Carry Guard insurance. I hate tail-gaiters! But I love people from the above list of places. They’re the reason Donald J. Trump is POTUS).

Peace out!